Where have you been..?!!!

IF YOU CAN VISUALIZE THIS HAPPENING, IT'S TWICE AS FUNNY.

CHEER UP..!

...the worst is yet to come..!!!

First you forget names, then you forget faces.

Then you forget to pull up your zipper.

It's worse when you forget to pull it down.

Ah, being young is beautiful,

but being old is comfortable.

GOOD MORNING..!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY..!!!

Dear guests, (today) please...

Never do anything...

...you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics..!!!

Please save this...

...for the next time you hear someone say, they have to get rid of their pet when they have a baby..!!!

It take many nail...

...to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

So,

you think THIS (me..? ) IS QUITE REMARKABLE..?!
FEEDJIT/google.com site:gesundheit-institute-2.blogspot.com this-is-quite-remarkable

Integration of immigrants in Denmark

Wife who put husband...

...in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

THIS IS QUITE REMARKABLE

PLEASE DON'T CHEAT..!

In the middle of the table is a round food tray with five kinds of Fruits on it.

They are:

A. Apple
B. Banana
C. Strawberry
D. Peach
E. Orange

Which fruit will you choose..? Please think VERY carefully and don't rush into it.
This is great, I was astounded..!
Your choice reveals a lot about you..!

Test results:
Please SCROLL DOWN












If you have chosen:

A. Apple: That means you are a person who loves to eat apples
B. Banana: That means you are a person who loves to eat bananas
C. Strawberry: That means you are a person who loves to eat strawberries
D. Peach: That means you are a person who loves to eat peaches
E. Orange : That means you are a person who loves to eat oranges

I hope you find fulfillment in this new insight about yourself.
May it bring you peace and understanding, tranquility and all that other profound stuff.

Also I bet that right now you would like to find me and kick my a$$..!
Well, You won't find me......because I am still hunting down the a$$ who sent this to me...

Panties -

not best thing on earth, but next to it.

Déjà vu..!!!

GO AHEAD..!!!

Break my heart,

you won't be the first.

This is AMAZING..!!!

Forward this message to 5 people within 3 minutes and FUCK ALL will happen to you..!

I tried it and it's true..!!!

FUCK ALL happened..!!!

THIS REALLY WORKS..!!!

Pass this on......more people need to know about this..!

Mountain View, you're busted..!!!

Hank & Dodger...

Happy Valentine's Day..!!!

TIME TO HOWL

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day..!

Please, do NOT send flowers - at my age flowers scare me..!!!

Send M&M's..!!!

Qur-va, John nie pierdol..!!! (!..m@il..!)

John, take me to Lodz

Life is...

...not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away..!!!

God doesn't play dice.

Albert, you were SO wrong, SO VERY wrong..!!! I've got proof today. God have a gambling problem..!!!

Only Robinson Crusoe...

...had everything done by Friday..!!!

Male or female..?

SWISS ARMY KNIFE - male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
KIDNEYS - female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.
TIRE - male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON - male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part.
SPONGES - female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGE - female, because it is always getting hit on.
SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective repro-ductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.
ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
SUBWAY - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
HOURGLASS - female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMER - male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
REMOTE CONTROL - female...Ha..!...you thought I'd say male. But consider, it gives man pleasure, he'd be lost without it and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

Shhh..! Come a little bit closer...

I am more afraid of an army of 100 sheep led by a lion than an army...

...of 100 lions led by a sheep.

Super Duper Tuesday

I hope our wisdom will grow with our power, and teach us, that the less we use our power the greater it will be.

- Thomas Jefferson -

I like pigs..!!!

Dogs look up to us.
Cats look down at us.
Pigs treat us as equals."

I'M SERIOUS..!!!

If it weren't for religion, Christopher Columbus would have landed on the Moon.

Virginity like bubble.

One prick - all gone..!

Don't Poke The Bear..!!!

Baby bear looks at the empty plate and says
"Waah..! Who ate all my porridge up..?"
Papa Bear looks at his empty plate and says
"Who the devil ate my porridge..?"
Mama Bear stands in the doorway with her hands on her hips and says
"I haven't made the jolly porridge yet. The power is off"