You know you are getting old...

...when everything either dries up or leaks.

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other.
- Windy, isn't it..?
- No.
The second man replied.
- It's Thursday.
And the third man chimed in.
- So am I. Let's have a beer.

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter."
Esther always replied.
"I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said.
"Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."
To this, Esther replied.
"Morris that helicopter is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
The pilot overheard the couple and said.
"Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you..! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed..!"
Morris replied.
"Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters.
- Was I getting in or out of the bath..?
The 94-year-old yells back.
- I don't know. I'll come up and see. She starts up the stairs and pauses.
- Was I going up the stairs or down..?
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says.
- I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood. She then yells.
- I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself.
- I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.'
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through.
The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said.
- Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row..? You could have killed us both..!
Mildred turned to her and said.
- Oh, crap, am I driving..?!

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said.
- Now don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name..! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said.
- How soon do you need to know..?